Entice Me with Better Promotional Language

I received this email last week (and the exact same email in January). In light of my topic of “Entice Me” for this week’s Art Marketing Action newsletter, I thought it would provide an interesting case study. Here it is. Verbatim except that I protected them by giving them a different name. (Not sure why. I am just giving them the benefit of the doubt that their hearts are in the right place.)

"The seeds have been planted"
Hello,

January 2005: FancyArtWebsite.com <http://www.FancyArtWebsite.com>  emerged in cyberspace with the vision of bringing the worlds of art and design together.

January 2006: Thousands of talented people have taken notice and joined our global community!

Our goal for this coming year is to create an interactive visual directory that facilitates energy exchanges around the planet–  where the world of art and design is just a click away!  We invite you to be part of our continuously growing site and participate in  the journey!

Open the door to the world of art and design; visit us now and click on  "Join the Directory" <https://www.FancyArtWebsite.com/Join/Step1.aspx>  to start the brief registration process.  There is no fee to be listed.
 
All the best,

   <first name>
    <first name>@FancyArtWebsite.com

To be removed from future emails, please reply to this email with "remove" in the body of your message.

Notice the rhythm of the email:

Paragraph 1: What they did in the past and their vision.
Paragraph 2: More about them and other people.
Paragraph 3: Their goal and, finally!, an invitation for me.
Paragraph 4: An invitation to go there. But why would I want to by this point?

The most important part of marketing language is the recipient. You have to take your ego out of it. I don’t care about you so much. I want to know what you can do for me.

The other thing this person didn’t do is to follow the CAN SPAM laws. When sending unsolicited email to someone you don’t have a prior relationship with, you are required by law to use a real bricks-and-mortar address.

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7 comments to Entice Me with Better Promotional Language

  • I loved your artmarketing newsletter this morning! The wording put a smile on my face for a Monday morning :)

  • Alyison; good cratique and breakdown of the rhythm. I actually had to go back and read it again because I wasn’t sure what they were actually offering. “Open the door to the world of art and design” it reminds me of that commercial on tv that offers an “Art Test”. lol Great DO THIS on the newsletter. You are so right about checking out old mailings and hindsite being 20/20. (hey Terri W.! We seem to be running into eachother lately)

  • Wow, what a wake up call concerning “Entice Me”. You have brought up some good points. I am changing my mail signature to “entice” viewers to download a special percentage off if they visit site or something of the sorts. Thanks for the insight.

  • Excellent newsletter this morning Alyson. So right – Marketing 101, Lesson 1: Answer The Audience’s Question… “What’s In It For Me?” Thanks for your witty and wise words. Always enjoy your newsletter. Cheers.

  • I truly appreciate and enjoy ready all the opinions, even the ones that puzzle me at first. Garnering interest of a buying public is such an art in itself that there are whole businesses devoted to attracting dollars. So. At the risk of playing devil’s advocate here: Sounds like some audences could say,”WOO me”. I think this is a better term. Sadly, from your letter, it appears that more than ‘busy’ , your audience/people are either bored, or not really interested in your mail. Busy people make time for what they desire to do, much more so than those who are not together enought to be ‘busy’. I cater to busy people, because they are the demographic arena to whom I choose to market. They are ready to make a choice, and ready to spend. They don’t waste time. And, they don’t tend to waste their money, either. Perhaps those with more time than disposable income need prodding to spend it – then your ‘you’re gonne be left out’ approach might work. Having used both approaches in the last 20 years, the dollars come in repeatedly from my courteous invitations of respectability in worth, and are built upon a relationship with a warm rapport. I am only interested in buyers who pay, and talk about my work and building relationships. I am enticed to look for a deal, when I am deal shopping. But, when I am spending, (time or cash) it is a different story. I have to go to a lot of shows to report on them for my column. No amount of buzz words improve the artwork, the show or the food. I do report on the shows honestly, and give credit where it is due; even shows that underwhelm me aesthetically are reported at least with respect when the artist and the opening party or the exhibit itself are respectful of those who attend in terms of presentation.

  • Alyson.. one word BRILLIANT! I too got those *yawn* emails and didn’t sign up either. I totally agree that people are busy and I will give about 5 seconds to a newsletter and if it doesn’t grab my attention by then I won’t read it. I love your wording to help entice viewers to visit the website, and even better, exhibitions! I try so hard with my wording and I end up with nearly exactly what you say not to do. Thanks for the great new ideas, can’t wait to send out my next newsletter and invite! Lots of thinking to do until then.

  • Kathy Eyster

    Alyson, Your article in Monday’s Art Marketing Action about enticing language in annoucements was right on schedule! I’m drafting the announcement for my new web site which should be public in 24 hours. I really appreciated your suggestions & I hope everyone finds I put them to good use when I send the official announcement tomorrow or the next day! (Have to wait for the name servers around the world to update the URL….) Thanks for the helpful info! Kathy